Yumpin Yimminy!

I often feel as I’m struggling with The Pony, or as  I’m writing about struggling with The Pony that very few people are out there.  So when someone occasionally comes out to the woodwork to express an opinion, I am happily surprised.  I got a nice comment like that this week from subscriber,  Marcus Burhana, who said he “stumbled upon my blog.”  Listen Marcus, if you got injured in the fall and you’re settin me up for a lawsuit forget about it.  You won’t get a dime out of me, and if you’ve been reading you know The Pony isn’t worth the effort.

But then I got an email last night that really brought me up short.  I cut and pasted it into a word document, so that I could insert it in this post, but when I hit spell check the computer almost blew-up.  You’ll see why.  I decided to leave it just as I received it.  Here you go.
__________________________________________________________

 INTERNATIONAL PONY CERTIFICATION BOARD

 Dear Herr Boehmke,

Please allow me, introduce myself. My name is Professor von Verkinhard and I am ze chairman of ze board for ze  I.P.C.B. located in Berlin. Our board considers itself as overseeer and quality control group for all Massy Harris Pony tractors undergoing overhauls and restorations.

Earlier zes week, our satilite surveillance team, headed by Dr. Bloginheimer, detected some “key” cell phone chatter vit some I.B. guy originating from California and relating to zome current Pony project zomewhere in ze North Carolina state vid key words like .005”, then .00015, and zomething about “sanding bearing caps”.  Ze good Doctor then found your blog site, and called an emergency board meeting to see if ve could possibly still save zes particular Pony project from destruction which vas looking plenty much afraid then too yet.

Ze board covered all aspects of your project and found good overall attention to quality and details for most of your rebuild. Hiring a towing company to remove ze Pony from the woods was vunderbar!  Doing ze restoration insitu would have been a really zilly thing. Great decision you did have here.  Using ze original Pony red paint showed attention to detail for originality and ze valve job will most assuredly aid in breathing, by gollies.  Having Dr. Fullofit and his team perform their life saving procedures on the Pony’s heart, zit vas a brilliant move on your part. Gott bless Dr. Fullofit and his staff! Ve always give ze highest ratings to ze LRPCC. Dr. is a real miracle worker and von heck of a good looking gentleman!

Now, suddenly ve read that you have been consulting wit zomeone in ze west coast using ze initials I.B. as zome kint of cover.

Mr. Boehmke, zes I.B. guy is a real schnotski, or how you call it?, real nut job? You’re doing a quality restoration and Mr. I.B. is telling you to start sanding ze Ponies bearing caps down to get still better fit!  Our recording secretary, Hans, wants to know vhat zis guy is schmoking. Vhat ever it is, Hans vants a kilo! (could make a fine tune of dat!)

Holyschmackers Herr Boehmke, you must really be getting desperate! Ze board reviewed ze pictures of ze bearing shells and our dynamometer engineer, Fritz Krankerhoff, concluded that the bearings vill work very vell in ze rebuilt engine, for about 12.7 seconds at vich point ze engine bearings vill overheat and ze engine vill seize up and freeze. Please take our advice, dump zis I.B. guy. You need to pump ze ole Cost-OH-Meter up another 600 Deutsch Marks, grind ze crankshaft and buy ze new bearings. Fire zes crazy man quick in a rush.

Ve vill be vatching zes project much more closely now that ve know vat you are dealing with.

If you have any more zilly suggestions from Mr. I.B., ve have ways of dealing with zes nutty fruitcake guys. Ve now have Fruitcakes’s profile: Daily flat tires on I.B.’s bicycle vill get his attention and he vill be out of your head hair for sure.

 Auf Wiedersehen,
P. Verkinhard
__________________________________________________________
Wow, I didn’t realize there were people (using that term loosely) out there paying this much attention to my efforts.  In this age of Wikeleaks, etc I need to be more careful.

I’m just going to put this out there as a post, and do a real one maybe tomorrow.  I have noticed though that (wonder of wonders) if I don’t write stuff, people don’t read it!  Thanks for reading…even this silly stuff.

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2 responses to “Yumpin Yimminy!

  1. Bill Vollenweider

    Who would have thought that I would look forward to reading posts about some stupid tractor from my lame brain cousin? I must be more of a lame brain then my cousin becasue I can’t wait for the next post. Keep up the great work. Cuz…Bill

  2. Hi Bruce,
    Thank you for posting your ordeal with The Pony. I thoroughly enjoy them. But posting the “International Pony Certification Board” letter really made me haul with laughter. Thank you for sharing this!!!
    Lars (Chatham Market cyclist)
    ———————————————————————————————
    Life’s journey is not to arrive at the Grave
    in a well preserved body, but rather to
    skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting “holy crap, WHAT A RIDE!”

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