The Three-Man Lift

I’ve seen a lot of statistics; these days the internet has statistics like New York hotels have bed bugs.  But I’ve seen the numbers in enough different places to be able to say with some assurance that pigs are taking over my state.  Already four years ago there were more hogs in this state than people, about 10 million.  New census data out for 2010, that’s human census data, indicates that thank God, more people are moving into NC from I don’t know where, so we’ve now caught up to the pigs.  Well, actually, my pig data is old, so maybe we haven’t.  Suffice to say there’s a lot of damn hogs down here and so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that on any given day if you’re trying to get to work on the freeway, there’s probably a lot of pigs out there doing the same thing, road hogs if you will.

Well, sure enough, with that many people and that many hogs out there mixing it up each day it was bound to happen.  On Wednesday the News and Observer reports, an emergency dispatcher for the city of Durham got a call, “There are pigs everywhere.  Oh, my God!”  Turns out pigs were just dropping out of a truck at the height of rush hour as it cruised down I540.  Miraculously, outside of a few scrapes and bruises on the 5 piglets, there were no serious injuries to either species.  The piglets, cold and shivering were rounded up and taken to an animal shelter and according to the City’s animal control officer they’re nestled in hay and getting lots of r&r. 

If the piglets aren’t claimed within 30 days they’ll be offered for sale and if not bought will be put up for adoption.  Awwww, isn’t that cute?  You know how The Princess “flipped out” when I bought the Pony?  Can you imagine the scene around here if I brought one of those porkers home?  I think maybe I’m going about all this bassakwards, first the tractor, then the pig, then the farm?  I bet I’ll be livin on that farm by myself too.
Moving on to non-porcine matters, I had to nudge the Cost-O-Meter just a bit.  Newest increase covers the cost of various small items like fasteners, gasket sealer, LockTite, and paint.  The paint was a mistake, as when I got home I found I already had some.  See how honest I am, I probably shouldn’t have to add that to the C-O-M, but I did anyway.

I’ve been cleaning more parts, priming and painting em too.  I’ve got a dip stick now…looks like brand new!  Other exciting stuff too like the motor mounts, the generator bracket, the generator and starter.  Gene’s coming over tomorrow, so I’ll let you know in the next post what kind of damage we do.

I’m going to have to stay sharp tomorrow it being April Fool’s day and all.  I can’t trust The Princess not to try to pull something on me.  I’m kind of an easy mark being as gullible as I am.  Once, Freshman year in college the guys on the floor told me that one of the guys, Harold, could lift three guys at once.  It was late, and there were a bunch of us sitting around eating pizza.  I said yeah, right, but they all said, no, they’d seen Harold do it.  So they go get Harold and talk him into doing the lift for me.

Three of us lay down on the floor on our backs tight together; I was in the middle.  Harold said that we needed to loosen our belts and then intertwine our legs and arms, so that we made a good tight group for the lift.  I should have been suspicious when the belt loosening thing was thrown in, but as I said I’m a sucker.  Harold asked if we were ready, and when we all said yeah, he bent down, pulled out a can of shaving cream, yanked open the top of my pants and blasted me.  Of course, everyone else had been in on this deal but me, and there was non-stop hootin and hollerin for the next hour.  Dang it! 

Of course, I was all up for showing “the three-man lift” to the new guy who showed up the next week.  See picture below.

Y’all watch out tomorrow, and thanks for reading.


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