Dear Dr. Fullofit,
Where the heck have you been? I tried calling, but only got Nurse Minnie. She said you had left the day before I called. Dang it, how did you know I was going to call? She told me you’d be out for three weeks? Something about a trip to Africa. Ha, that’s pretty general, you know, like saying you’re on a trip to North America. I could tell she was trying to protect you when she refused to give me your pager number. Come on man, every doctor leaves a pager number. To top it all off, Doc Deadrick, your “on call man” was nowhere to be found. Well, I just want you to know that that is no way to run a clinic, and that I am gonna be reporting this to the AMA, that’s American Mechanics Association, in case you’ve forgotten.
I trust that after three weeks you are still of healthy mind and body and haven’t forgotten everything you allege to have known before you left. Because I’ve got questions here that someone needs to answer. You might want to review some of the posts I’ve done while you were out, so that you can see what I’ve been up to. That’s right, time doesn’t just stand still back here in That Idiotic Tractorland, just because you’re away. Well, I take that back, time does stand still here, but progress has been made. So, to the point, when I was out at Gene’s last weekend we were just hangin out, keepin the Pony company, you know knockin a few back and havin some smokes when Gene looked down and sees this pipe laying in the gravel.
We weren’t sure what it was, but I dragged it home just like a dog with a new bone, not to bury it, but to refurbish it like everything else. From looking at Pony pics, I identified it as the air intake tube to the carb. Here’s a photo of it on another Pony.
All those little areas circled in yellow are holes caused by corrosion. So Doc, what is your recommendation? I’ve stuck an ice pick in the holes and expanded them out to make sure I had areas of thin metal removed, so I think we’re looking at the full extent of the damage in that photo. I’m a bit leery of just glopping a bunch of JB Weld on there, because I can’t reach some of the interior of the tube to clean it and/or place more loose change in there. I’m hoping that since I “rounded up” to one dollar when I put that 50 cents inside the oil pan, I can invest 50 cents more in this tube (maybe five dimes), and the old Cost-O-Meter doesn’t budge. So anyway, once you’ve recovered from the jet lag I’d appreciate your advice.
Now, about this next little story you’ll probably think, that wasn’t the idiotic author’s finest hour. Remember those hub caps? Well, I put em on Ebay for a one-week auction with no minimum bid. Bear in mind, this was the first thing I had ever tried to sell on Ebay. I decided I wouldn’t peak during the auction period, but I lost track of how much time had gone by, so when I thought the week had expired I checked to see if they had sold. Turns out there was a little over a day left and no one had bid above one cent. That’s right, some knucklehead put his bid in at the lowest possible amount and after almost six days, no one had outbid him! While I was scratching my head I heard an email pop into my intray, and I took a look at it.
The email was from a guy who’d seen my ad and wondered why there was no photo. Huh? I was positive that I’d put a photo in there, but sure enough, when I looked at the ad as posted, NO PICTURE. I don’t know what went wrong, but obviously my photo had failed to upload, so everyone was bidding on something about which I had said “as is and as pictured…no warranty, no returns.” Well, poop, I wouldn’t bid on something with no picture and that statement either.
I rectified the situation, and waited for the last day to expire. I don’t know; I guess justice was done in a way. Those hub caps that I stole, some guy stole em from me… for just $12. There’s a lot one could say about this whole business, you know, like some kind of moral to the story. I guess what I’d say is:
Crime does pay, but not very well.
There may be ticks involved…
and a whole lot of I told you so’s from The Princess.
Friends, it just ain’t worth it.
Thanks for reading.
ps: Always double-check your Ebay ads BEFORE posting them. Sheesh!